Nope, My Short Hair Cut Still Isn’t the Same as Rape Thought Catalog

18 Jun 9255_10152219794238957_39485575_n

So Thought Catalog published a post by resident asshat and all around terrible person Gavin McInnes back in March that I thankfully missed because my Facebook feed knows better than to recommend posts entitled “Hey, Ladies! Short Hair Is Rape”, “When Is It OK To Hit A Woman?”, and “Having Kids Turns You Into A Complete Fag”. McInnes relies on radically hateful language to bring in audiences. There is no nuance or thought to what he writes. He writes what he does for pure shock value, which I find funny for someone writing for a blog entitled “Thought Catalog”. He insults and rejects his critics by calling them uneducated plebes. It upsets me because I have seen some really interesting and funny content come from this site, but this has me wanting to leave them forever.

So the post, “Hey, Ladies! Short Hair Is Rape”, was offensive enough. The fact that Thought Catalog kept it up and allowed him to post a follow-up “No, Short Hair Is Not Literally Rape, You F#cking Idiots!” was just depressing. I don’t want to link the posts here because I don’t want this man getting any more attention than he has already received. It really doesn’t surprise me that he is a frequent guest on Fox News. Ugh.

Ok so back to the original post. It is the same type of patriarchal, woman hating, rape culture writing that has been blowing up the web and putting me in an all around bad mood over the past few months. Everyone remember the recent slough of bad posts on rape over at the Washington Post? Here’s a reminder. And here.

The title of the post alone suggests that McInnes has no idea what rape means.

So here, Mr. McInnes, is what I have to say to you.

As a survivor of rape who also has friends and loved ones that are survivors of rape let me just say McInnes, you have no idea what you are talking about. So please shut up. Your post was offensive to those of us who are still dealing with the trauma that we overcame. It undercuts and devalues our experience. And that alone should have been enough to warrant a withdrawal of the post, or at least an apology.

You state that when a woman gets her hair cut short that she is “Saying yes to yourself and no to us(men)” which is fine, according to you, if  “You want to check out of society for a year”. I really don’t even know where to begin with this one. As if saying yes to ourselves is a bad thing? Something that warrants hiding away from society? I myself have my hair shaved down at the moment, but that is neither here nor there. The point is women (and men) cut their hair for various reasons that may or may not have anything to do with what you Mr. McInnes, in your very limited world view find attractive. We are autonomous beings that exist outside of what you find attractive. I personally cut my hair because it’s hot as Hades in New Orleans right now and I am training for my second marathon. Short hair is cool hair.1382801_10152309050728957_652875986_n

Also, I feel sexy as hell.

But I don’t need to explain myself to you. That’s not the point. No one harasses you when you choose to cut your hair, grow it out, decide on a beard, opt in for a goatee. Whereas women and women’s bodies are constantly policed. If I decide not to shave my legs for a month I am making a statement. If I then decide to shave my legs I am making an equally powerful statement. I wear a skirt that is too short? I am a slut, I wear a one-piece bikini, I am a prude. I decide to cut off all of my hair and my upstairs neighbors assume my roommate and I are life-partners (true story). A woman cannot make a decision about her body without someone somewhere having something to say about it. Everything we do is valued only as much as men appreciate it. And that is the problem with a patriarchal culture. Well one of the problems. And only one of the problems with your piece McInnes.

You say that my short hair is “More than unattractive. Its rape” And then you follow up by saying “No, Short Hair Is Not Literally Rape, You F#cking Idiots!”. Well let me begin by saying if you really think your audience is that stupid maybe you should be more clear in your language. But also, yes I understood that you were trying to use rape as hyperbole, as a metaphor here. For what, I am not entirely sure. (By the way, when I said New Orleans is hot as Hades right now that was a simile. And a hyperbole. Just to be clear.)

In a culture where women’s bodies are constantly objectified, where men such as yourself seem to think that they have some kind of claim over them, a post such as this only serves to further the idea that consent is some silly slogan those “crazy feminists” throw around, rather than something that is essential for safe and healthy sexual encounters.

You say the definition of rape is being diluted. Rape is and always will be a lack of consent. Don’t forget that. Sometimes rape is coming home to a husband/boyfriend who believes that because you are his wife/girlfriend he is entitled to sex. Sometimes rape is waking up the next morning naked, bruised, and alone with only the haziest of memories of your assault. Sometimes rape is having a family member tell you that it’s your little secret. Sometimes rape is having your employer tell you no one will believe you. Sometimes rape is a group of men on a crowded train with no one intervening. Sometimes rape is an acquaintance, or friend taking advantage of you on a night out. Sometimes rape is the man your family hired to get you across the border assaulting you night after night because he knows that you can’t do anything. And yes sometimes rape is a stranger in a dark alley with a knife. Not to mention countless other scenarios.

So no Mr. McInnes, we are not diluting the definition of rape, we are trying to help survivors understand that what happened to them is not and never will be ok. We are trying to help them receive the support and help that they deserve without being ostracized or blamed by the very institutions put in place to keep them safe.

Rape is not having sex with a girl with short hair. Don’t disparage this very real issue for the sake of getting hits on your half-wit post. It’s not responsible and it’s not funny. I’m not even going to touch on your horific use of the word tranny or your statement that “(men) aren’t intimidated by anything that has a vagina”. I mean, not right now anyway.

Here are some rape jokes, rape satire that work in case you are interested. Maybe you can learn to be funny? I doubt it.

Referring to a Person as “It” is Never O.K. Obviously.

16 Jun http://www.greetingcarduniverse.com/congratulations-cards/surgery-medical/gender-reassignment-sex-change/congratulations-on-the-sex-change-770932

So, something unfortunate happened last week that I have been trying to decide how to write about. One of my coworkers came out of a room with a client wearing a very confused and slightly shocked look on his face. I approached him assuming the client had been unruly or said something upsetting.

“What’s up?” I asked.

“I don’t know what it was.”

“You don’t know what?”

“I don’t know if it was a chick or a dude.”

I stared at him for a long moment at a loss for words.

“You don’t know whether they were a man or a woman?”

“Oh excuse me! They

He responded to me with an irritated tone, as if he had been the one offended by my comment, no matter how much his comment may have offended the person in the room.

The thing is I really like this coworker, he is a progressive thinker in general and a pretty decent guy all around- but it’s hard for me to forget this comment.

I have no idea whether the person in the room was transgendered or gender nonconformist. I have no idea what the correct pronoun would be to address them with because I did not meet or speak to them, but I can’t believe that anyone would think it was acceptable.

I think, at least from my very small worldview, many people are never really taught about appropriate uses of pronouns for people who are not cisgendered. Something that has been made abundantly clear with the shoddy reporting on R.Kelly’s child. I don’t think the thought that this person may or may not identify with the gender identity they were prescribed at birth ever even crossed my coworker’s mind. And sometimes I wonder how to go about educating people on this topic, when they don’t really have any desire to learn. It’s frustrating when something that doesn’t seem like a complicated issue to grasp is met with such ambivalence.

I understand we all have different backgrounds, education, and familiarity with transgendered people and issues, I myself don’t feel especially educated enough to even write about the topic in any great depth, but I would expect any lay person to understand that no one enjoys being referred to as an it.

I tried to use this incident as a teaching moment as best I could without appearing superior, which I feel I sometimes fail at. The thing is I was offended by his remark, which made it difficult to attempt to explain gender pronouns in a levelheaded manner. I did my best.

Thoughts?

New Girl Journal

16 Jun lesbian

I’ve always been a proponent of sexual fluidity. I’ve never believed in a binary of whom we are attracted to. Falling in love, or lust, are things I’ve considered to be a spectrum of greys rather than a black and white. So for me and for those close to me it was no big surprise when I started being drawn more and more to women.

I won’t lie, it was something I dealt with alone in my own mind for a very long time before I began to open up about, or act on my own feelings. I was unsure if what I felt was a genuine or a fleeting experience. That girl’s eyes are gorgeous, when she touched my hand my heart sped up, that woman across the bar staring at me is making me blush all over

I just recently came out to my friends, family, and coworkers in the past few months and it has been a nerve-wracking, exciting, exhilarating time for me. I would say three-quarters of the time I am so unsure of myself and nervous I want to vomit, but I also feel more myself, more comfortable than I have felt in a very long time.

So this will be a short post, an introductory journal post on a new chapter in my life. In the next few months I am leaving New Orleans, which saddens me beyond belief, but I am excited for the adventures that lie ahead. And along with my regular (OK VERY IRREGULAR) blog posts I would like to keep a quasi journal of my first year as an out and open bisexual woman. It is such an intense time in my life. I feel like I am back in the kiddy pool of dating and sex, splashing around awkwardly, at a time when most of my peers have swimming smoothly. But honestly, there is nowhere else I’d rather be.

Wanting to share all of this with you all is more than terrifying, but I want to do it anyway. There isn’t really much more of a reason than that.

Here’s to a possibly very embarrassing year of blogging!

Movin’ and Shakin’

15 Jun

1964847_10152938199313957_45631041219715969_nI have some big life changes coming up in the next month or so, changes that are taking me away from the city that has become part of my blood. I am excited, elated for the changes coming my way and for the growth that I know I will experience but leaving a place that has shaped my entire being the way in which New Orleans has is difficult. I have every intention to keep blogging from wherever I am, but nolafeminizer will likely be taking on much broader topics. I’d love for input and possible guest bloggers, especially those still in the New Orleans area.

 

Krew de Lune’s Lunar Lagniappe Party

22 Jan 1526677_639170496142297_1060201052_n

Friday, January 27, 7pm-11pm

The Rusty Nail Map

This is Fundraiser for Eden House, a two-year residential program designed for women who have been commercially and sexually exploited. The fundraising goal for the second annual Lunar Lagniappe Party is $5,000.

There will be live music by Les Autres, DJ Ann Heatwave: New Orleans, as well as a performance by The Star-Steppin’ Cosmonaughties, and raffle prizes. Advance tickets are available for only $10. Get there early for some complimentary Moon shooters, the specialty mixed shots.

Tickets can be purchased via PayPal by sending $10.00 per ticket to the email krewedelunepayments@gmail.com. Please put your name for will call in the comment section.

Here’s the Facebook event page

Forum for Equality Mardi Gras Masquerade

22 Jan mardi-gras-masquerade-123

Thursday, January 23, 6pm – 9pm

2437 Jefferson Avenue, New Orleans, LA, United States Map

Hosted by Craig Magleby. Come join Forum for Equality for a fun night of masks, music and libations! Suggested membership donation $40 Drinks and light refreshments will be served! Come one, come all!

Facebook event info

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